like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you inspire me to be a worse person
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
