Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
