in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
