Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
