When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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