We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
