I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
