i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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