theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
