I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
