Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Are we still banned from the library?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
