I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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