explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
