She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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