If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
