all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
