Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
