Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
