why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
