i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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