just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
