We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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