i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
