i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
