I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
