fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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