What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
