you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
