If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
