Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
