I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Even my vagina gasped.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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