i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
