I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
