Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
