I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
