Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
