I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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