My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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