you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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