when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
