did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
