White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize