This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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