dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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