he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize