i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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