Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
