i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
