You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
