Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
