Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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