Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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