I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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