Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
