oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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