I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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