Grow some girl-balls and come out already
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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