i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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