How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
