Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
