left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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