I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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