Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Text me some of your sweat
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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