what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
