um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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