is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize