Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
