My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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