She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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