Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
