Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
