just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
